feels like the end of this spiritual drought. through it all, i’ve known that God was there, that He loved me. i just never seemed to put any of it to practice. Faith is believing and speaking and just doing half of it isn’t gonna do anyone any good. today was God’s answer to my prayer, i really need to surround myself with real God-fearing friends all the time. so that i know that i’m not fighting this battle alone. (well, that’s basically how i feel now) do pray for me.
You are so close to me yet I feel like I’ve fallen a million miles away from You. (I’m coming back to You, my Love)
I dream of the day where You’d take my hand and show me around my eternal home. Where there’d be no more goodbye, no more not enough, no more pain, no more disappointment. You’d carry me in your arms like a proud father, telling me you’d love me no matter what. Heaven is a place where i wouldn’t have to worry about studying Econs because there wouldn’t be a problem of scarcity. Heaven is a place where everyone would have time for each other, no one would be ‘too busy’. Imagine if God told you that He was ‘too busy’ when you cried out for help. It’s time for us to realize that nothing we see is going to last forever. It’s time for us to realize that the friendships we treasure the most aren’t going to last forever if we don’t act soon. (Heaven rains gumdrops, heaven rains happiness)
was discussing ‘paranormal activity’ with S. we decided that whether staged or not, demons are real but we have nothing to be afraid about. At His name, every knee will bow, every tongue will confess that He is Lord. Also, God lives within us, so there’s nothing to worry about.
this week has been refreshing. gained new perspective, new goals. realised that i should strive to be the person God wants me to be rather than focus on what i believe God wants me to accomplish.
also, given a choice, i would much rather a hard year than an easy one because after it all it’s all the hardship that makes us realise how much we need Jesus and how incompetent we are as humans. besides, He’s right there all the time so there’s nothing to be scared about. no matter what shit comes our way, we should recognize it as an opportunity to get to know our Father better. (quality time with Daddy!)
one more thing i learned this week: pray very very specifically. this way, when God answers your prayer, you’ll know for sure that it was Him and you won’t make stupid excuses saying it was a ‘coincidence’.
everything i don’t want. my faith isn’t that strong, i realise. it’s so easy to forget how much i need You. teach me to need you all the time. i rmb danne telling me how difficult it was going to be if i wanted to lead the ‘hungry life’. but then i think about last year and how i was broken again and again and how i needed my Father so desperately, i knew i couldn’t do it without Him. it’s difficult because i know that He has provided and yet, in the midst of being endlessly showered by these blessings, i forget the One who gave it all for me to enjoy even one second of it all. gosh, i’m so horrible. i knew i wanted to do a post on lukewarmness but i never realised the actual extent of mine until now. (for the first time i am excited for school, i am virtually problem-free, i feel so blessed and yet empty at the same time. i know i need Him, no earthly pleasures will ever fill this void, i know Jesus is the only answer.) i miss the days that i could speak about Him so passionately. a few friends are going through some stuff and i really want to be there for them but deep down, i know that i’m not up to it. God would want me to give my all and just saying the saying same few sentences ‘God has a plan’, ‘Trust in Him’ is not enough. They deserve someone who is emotionally/spiritually up to the task. so tonight, i will reflect, remind myself of my Almighty God.
[http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=c92aec75174b95261b71]
this video is gonna be replaying while i do my quiet time tonight, sleep well; God loves you. (just as He loves me despite this)
today i was reminded of what it’s like to have childlike faith, to surrender my life wholly unto God without question. to trust that His plan for me is perfect.
He’s the one who makes the sun shine
He’s the one who that puts the moon in the sky
He’s the one who hung the stars
One by one
He’s the one who makes the birds sing
He’s the one who makes your dreams so high
He’s the one who makes me smile
Day by day
Jesus you’re my superhero
You’re my star, my best friend
Jesus you’re my superhero
You’re my star, my best friend
Better than Spiderman
Better than Superman
Better than Batman
Better than anyone
Better than Yu Gi Yo
Better than Barbie
Better than Action Man
Better than anyone
i can’t sleep. i’ve been thinking.
so i just got done with a francis chan sermon entitled, “holy anguish”. somewhere in the middle, he mentioned this dream a friend of his had and it was about this friend of his seeing his unsaved friends on the way too hell. and on the way there, he saw them look up at him thinking “what the hell, you knew about this all along and still you never told us”. (then i cried) it’s true that nothing else matters because after we die, we either spend ETERNITY with God or in eternal suffering. i realise how selfish i am and how unworthy i am as a friend. we need to do something about this now.
extremely blessed. God’s grace is always sufficient. He’s given me rest+joy+peace even though these present circumstances wouldn’t exactly call for happiness. i love my Dad so very much.
“All I have needed thy hand hath provided;
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!”
